The relationship bullseye

I hold my friendships very closely to my heart, and for that reason my expectations of them can be far too high for what someone is able to give. I think it’s because I’m a quality over quantity kinda gal. I’d much prefer to have deeper connection instead of standardised small talk. Being 1:1 rather than in a group.

I’d always played with the idea of having life-long friendships. The idea of being friend’s forever is a beautiful one, but the reality is that the friendship will not stay as it is forever. Both of you are evolving, growing, progressing. Influenced by external factors and other people that come in and out of our life; it’s inevitable that change will happen.

Photo by Dennis Magati on

This analogy of friendships came to me last year when I was on my nose dive to rock bottom. I had expectations of friends and what I needed from them, but never took the time to express them. Or if I thought that I had, I wasn’t clear enough on what I needed.

This lead to me becoming quite upset over friendships (which of course, I bottled up inside) and left me feeling alone, insecure and unwanted. Basically, my unmet expectations started to feed my self-sabotaging alter ego. My fear. The anxiety. Which lead to me spiraling even further and suppressed my ability to communicate even more! What a disaster. At least it was until I had this revelation about the relationship bullseye.

The relationship bullseye is a way for me to understand and accept the fluidity of friendships. To know that due to situational circumstances, it’s not always feasible to keep everyone close in the bullseye. Sometimes they will move a little further out for a while, whether that’s because of a disconnect in vibration, or simply because neither of you have the time to commit to one another because you live in different countries, time zones or have other priorities for the moment.

It’s also a way for me to understand what I need right at this moment, and recognise what I might be going through personally. For example, I have one friend who I am more likely to sit with and speak openly to about all thing’s spirituality related; we talk about crystals and the Universe. Another I simply have great banter with and we laugh and make jokes about absolute nonsense; emotional topics are rarely on the table.

Have you ever noticed that you go to a particular friend if you’re looking for a particular piece of advice? Either because you know what kind of answer you’re looking for, or because you know they have the most experience in that area to support you? Well, this means that at this point in time they are much closer to your bullseye than they were before. Your frequencies will pull you together as you have a problem that they can provide you an answer for.

To conclude this post, I want to make something absolutely clear. Wherever someone is sitting within my bullseye has absolutely zero influence over how much I care about them. The underlying foundations of friendship will always remain, and if I was to ever receive a call asking for support then I would be there. Lastly, I want to advocate for you to speak up and lay your expectations out. Being clear with your friends is the only way that you’re going to receive the type of friendship you need.

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