Creating your new self
Have you ever sat and wondered, or thought the person you want to be? Maybe you’re in a situation where you’re not so satisfied with where you are in your life, your responses to situations or even you want to pull forward some of those more desirable character traits?
I can completely relate to this feeling!
But before we go deeper, I need to make something very clear; creating a new self is not an escape for a lack of acceptance of your current self. We don’t follow the steps and *poof* everything that we thought was wrong about us no longer exists. It starts with non-judgemental observations & acceptance of who we are today, and where we want to be. If we don’t accept our “flaws”, then we are not accepting all of us, and our desires to change are driven from the need to be perfect.
And we know that perfectionism is the most inauthentic way of living.
So why do we daydream about being something different?
I believe we have two primary drivers for change:
- Goals of status; career, material objects, money.
- Personality traits; responses to situations, thought patterns, habits and feelings.
Goals of Status can be described as “I want to be like that person because I want to have all of these things.” It’s dreaming about being the CEO and then defining all of the qualities you see in that role model, and changing your own behaviours to mimic them. It’s driven from ego.
Personality traits are far more heart-centred as they are driven by your true self wanting to show itself, instead of being led by your fear-based ego. It’s wanting a new perception of yourself from the world. For example, maybe you’re a person that easily succumbs to gossip, but you know that each time you do you feel a bit uncomfortable inside. You no longer want to participate in those kinds of conversations, so you have to make an intentional change.
Both cannot be achieved without daily inspired action.
So, how does all of this actually work?
Neuroplasticity is the science of literally changing your mind. We’ve grown up with certain actions, habits or ways of thinking that have carved out pretty concrete pathways in our brain. Yet, while scientists used to think that these pathways were non-malleable, they have since discovered that we can change them. Like plastic. When we learn something new or make a change in a habit, new pathways are carved out. The more we use the new pathway, the stronger it becomes, and the older one weakens completely.
Another great part of this, is that if we’re consciously making choices on our habits or personality traits, a consistent reminder to our brain is all it takes. The rest? Our subconscious brain will take care of it.
Let’s do an exercise:
- Write down 3 – 5 negative adjectives that you would use to describe yourself. Be honest here! I know it’s difficult, but try to do these without judgement on yourself. These are just your observations.
- Write down the opposite of those adjectives. Or at least replace them with a similar word on the positive side of the scale. These words are how you WANT to be seen.
- Put those new words somewhere that you can read them every morning and night. A post-it note in your bathroom. The screensaver on your phone. An alarm throughout the day as a gentle reminder. Plan them into your schedule and say it out loud “I am…”. This is the part where your subconscious mind will start doing the rest of the work while you’re focusing on your day. By reading your desired traits out loud, you’re already sending the right messages to your brain the pathways will start to be carved out.
- Reflection! Reflection is so important. Whether you do it each day or each week, create some space in your schedule to look back on situations where you didn’t exhibit the behaviours or traits that you’d written down and consider how you could have acted differently.
- Give yourself time. The rest will follow. Good luck!
This is a very small exercise in creating your new self. As with everything, nothing comes easily. It’s going to take some work. But the science is showing us that it’s possible.
So whatever you choose, make it great.