“HAPPY PEOPLE BUILD THEIR INNER WORLD: UNHAPPY PEOPLE BLAME THEIR OUTER WORLD”Dalai Lama
Think about that for a minute.
I can remember countless times where I have blamed others for causing an outcome that I didn’t desire. I focused my attention on their actions that lead up to my undesired outcome and felt that frustration sit on my chest. Sometimes for days. I wasted energy considering all of the things that I would have done differently, and how they could have done so much better. I shared my frustration with friends, which of course, created an unnecessary, bigger ball of blame and negativity that impacted my health, as we would all agree about how my feelings were valid and the other person is to blame.
And what do you think that solved?
What is done is done. The past is the past. Instead of focusing on the situation and blaming others, I should have worked on my reaction.
The last 12 months I have spent a lot of time doing a lot of internal work. I’ve turned my attention inwards and connected with what I want from my chance with life. I’m building my inner world. Taking responsibility for how I want to feel, and pushing away or not allowing out of control results or events dictate my level of happiness. This is still a HUGE work in progress for me. It’s easy to slip back into old habits and patterns, especially if the environment is a toxic one. It takes a huge amount of energy to stay focused on my inner world, which is why I need to frequently give myself space fill myself back up through self-care and all of the things that light me up.
In cases where I do fall into blame, I always take the time to work through the process in my head or in a journal to identify triggers and re-align my thinking. There are daily events that happen to us that are out of our control. Whether a colleague or your boss makes a decision that you don’t agree with, or a friend acts in a way that you that you don’t like, we are only in control of our reaction and not their actions.
And to be honest, sometimes the actions of others are not in our best interest or aligned with our own beliefs. And that’s okay. We can acknowledge it, release it, and move on.
To build our inner happiness, we must arrive at a point in our lives where we choose happiness over blame, and realise that the grass is greener where you water it. So, if you’re not watering your own grass and creating your own happiness, it’s probably because you’re too busy focusing on someone else’s, and letting their actions impact you.
My tips to build resilience to blame are based on my 3 principles:
Feeding ourselves well, caring for our bodies both internally and externally, putting ourselves in healthy and positive environments and surrounding ourselves with people that lift us up.
Create new experiences, try something new, say yes, be curious, break the routine, change your environment. It’s how we grow, progress, evolve.
Be in a state of growth by reading, learning and applying. Talk to others, practice self-care, find your interests and explore them, find role models or become one. Create your own state of being.
When you’re sitting in your self-created garden that is filled with all the things that light you up, your resilience to blame will sky-rocket, because what you will have created will be so beautiful and unique for you, that nothing can pull you away.